1. How to be Assertive by Speaking Fluent Body Language

2. Body language

3. Debunking the 55%, 38% & 7% Rule

4. How to communicate by using space

5. Just look them in the eyes

6. The Language of seating

7. The under rated power of eye contact

8. Using Body Positions to defuse Angry people

9. How to be interesting without saying a word 1.How to be Assertive by Speaking Fluent Body Language You've probably heard the expressions before... "Chin up, shoulders back," "Keep your distance," "Feet on the ground," "Pain in the neck."

But have you ever wondered how they came about? It all has to do with body language. Simply put, body language is the unspoken communication we all use in every face-to-face encounter with other human beings. You could say it's more powerful than anything said aloud. Ninety-three per cent of our everyday communications is non-verbal. Only 7% has to do with words at all. You could be telling that other person much more with your body language than you would ever say in words. Determining and regulating your own body language could well mean the difference when it comes to job interviews, networking meetings, banquets and business dinners, or even a social occasion, such as a date.

Even trickier is learning to read and understand the other person's body language. Being Assertive using Body Language The right attitude to be able to win friends is to be more assertive. Being assertive is actually just your ability to stand up for yourself, tackle issues face to face, state your own personal views, and defend others when they are being taken advantage of. Contrary to what you may think, being assertive is very much different from being bossy and overbearing. Assertiveness is actually a good thing. Without it, you inevitably hold back in your career and your personal life.

If you are usually compared to another one of your co-workers because the two of you have similar levels of experience and skills, then it is more likely that the more assertive one is rewarded with the promotion. It is natural that some people are more assertive than others; whether you are part of the former or the latter, it does not matter. What matters is that you get to learn assertive behavior, which ensures you are in the path for new opportunities. For you to be assertive, you have to keep in mind the effects of positive body language. It is not difficult, actually.

You just need to show the person you are talking to that you are attentive and that you truly care about whatever topic it is that you are discussing. So, you're probably asking yourself, "How do I regulate my body language to be more assertive and give a true representation of how I feel when I interact with others?" Distance and Angles Start with the distance between you and the person with whom you're speaking. If you get too close, people feel you're in their face, or too pushy. Too far away, and you could be seen as standoffish. The angle of your body is a dead giveaway to others.

We tend to angle our body towards those people we find friendly or interesting, and angle away from those we feel are cold or unfriendly. Crossing your arms over your chest shows defensiveness. This posture says, "I'm closed off and keeping you out." Eye Contact When in a conversation, you have to do everything you can to maintain eye-toeye contact. It is believed that your eyes are the windows to your soul. Therefore, for you to be able to achieve a heartfelt and productive conversation, you have to show the other party your undivided attention. You must not, under any circumstances, look around while the other person is talking. You have to always make sure that the person you're talking to sees that you are truly participating in your conversation by listening intently, while maintaining eye-to-eye contact. Eye contact is one of the most important ways to communicate with others. Looking them in the eye shows respect and interest. Eye contact is one of the most important ways to communicate with others.

Looking them in the eye shows respect and interest. We've all experienced the person who looks constantly at their watch, or seems to be far away and not listening to us. Their body language says, "I have other places to be and other more interesting people to talk to than you." Or the person that you know is not listening to what you're saying, but instead is busy deciding what he/she will say next. Someone whose eyes are downcast, not looking you in the eye could be exhibiting signs of shyness, or it could be deceit. Someone who is lying to you will not look you in the eye.

Head Position The head position also says a lot. To show confidence or authority, simply keep your head level. This says, "Take me seriously, my words are important." To show friendliness and interest in what the other person is saying, tilt your head slightly to one side or the other. For you to be able to further express that you are, in fact, approaching your conversation with respect and attention, you may lean forward. Leaning forward is a gesture that shows that you want to hear more and would want the other party to expound on what he or she has just said. Of course, leaning backward is the opposite. It proves that you are only engaging yourself in the conversation because you have to, and not because you truly care about what is bothering the other party. You have to prevent yourself from being pushy in your newfound relationship.

You must not force your opinions and beliefs on the other party if he or she radically believes otherwise. Just let things be, accept them as how they are. Mouth Movements Mouth movements are easy clues to what the other person may be feeling. If they purse their lips or twist them, they could be thinking carefully about what you just said, or disagreeing with you, but holding back comment. You can certainly tell when someone is not pleased. The Handshake The handshake is extremely important in the communication with others. No one wants to shake a hand like a wet noodle; at the same time, a handshake needn't be a contest of strength. It's a handshake, not arm wrestling. Many people also don't quite know what to do with their hands after the handshake, especially when meeting someone new. They tend to clasp their hands together, nervously, or fiddle with their jewelry. Just Be Assertive Taking the initiative of beginning a conversation, or in stating your views without pushing them to the other party, is the right way for a productive and effective conversation. Do not worry about giving the other party an image that you are overly confident; for being assertive is not only about being confident, it is also about understanding other people and the empathy that you give them. Indeed, it has been observed and proven that body language has a huge part when it comes to being assertive. Body language shows the other party that you are attentive to what he or she is saying. It is not all about looking good and speaking for yourself. It is also about making other people more comfortable when they talk and express their personal thoughts with you. Since we're constantly sending out these powerful messages, it's clear we should make an effort to learn more about what our bodies say to others. And learning what others are really saying to us is of paramount importance in our day-to-day communications. So, chin up, shoulders back, keep your distance, head up, eyes sharp, don't be pushy or standoffish, smile and shake that hand. You too can learn to become more assertive by speaking fluent body language. 2.Body Language EYE contact is one of the most important aspects of dealing with others, especially people we've just met. Maintaining good eye contact shows respect and interest in what they have to say. Here in the UK we tend to keep eye contact around 60-70% of the time. (However, there are wide cultural differences, so be careful in other countries) By doing this you won't make the other people feel self conscious, like they've got a bit of vegetable stuck between their teeth or a dew drop hanging from the nose. . Instead, it will give them a feeling of comfort and genuine warmth in your company, any more eye contact than this and you can be too intense, any less and you give off a signal that you are lacking interest in them or their conversation. POSTURE is the next thing to master, get your posture right and you'll automatically start feeling better, as it makes you feel good almost instantly. Next time you notice you're feeling a bit down, take a look at how you’re standing or sitting. Chances are you'll be slouched over with your shoulders drooping down and inward. This collapses the chest and inhibits good breathing, which in turn can help make you feel nervous or uncomfortable. HEAD position is a great one to play around with, with yourself and others. When you want to feel confident and self assured keep your head level both horizontally and vertically. You can also use this straight head position when you want to be authoritative and what you're saying to be taken seriously. Conversely, when you want to be friendly and in the listening, receptive mode, tilt your head just a little to one side or other

. You can shift the tilt from left to right at different points in the conversation. ARMS give away the clues as to how open and receptive we are to everyone we meet and interact with, so keep your arms out to the side of your body or behind your back. This shows you are not scared to take on whatever comes your way and you meet things "full frontal". In general terms the more outgoing you are as a person, the more you tend to use your arms with big movements. The quieter you are the less you move your arms away from your body. So, try to strike a natural balance and keep your arm movement’s midway. When you want to come across in the best possible light, crossing the arms is a no, no in front of others. Obviously if someone says something that gets your goat, then by all means show your disapproval by crossing them! LEGS are the furthest point away from the brain; consequently they're the hardest bits of our bodies to consciously control. They tend move around a lot more than normal when we are nervous, stressed or being deceptive. So best to keep them as still as possible in most situations, especially at interviews or work meetings.

Be careful too in the way you cross your legs. Do you cross at the knees, ankles or bring your leg up to rest on the knee of the other? This is more a question of comfort than anything else. Just be aware that the last position mentioned is known as the "Figure Four" and is generally perceived as the most defensive leg cross, especially if it happens as someone tells you something that might be of a slightly dubious nature, or moments after. (As always, look for a sequence) ANGLE OF THE BODY in relation to others gives an indication of our attitudes and feelings towards them.

We angle toward people we find attractive, friendly and interesting and angle ourselves away from those we don't, it's that simple! Angles includes leaning in or away from people, as we often just tilt from the pelvis and lean sideways to someone to share a bit of conversation. For example, we are not in complete control of our angle neither at the cinema because of the seating nor at a concert when we stand shoulder to shoulder and are packed in like sardines. In these situations we tend to lean over towards the other person. HAND gestures are so numerous it's hard to give a brief guide but here goes. Palms slightly up and outward is seen as open and friendly. Palm down gestures are generally seen as dominant, emphasizing and possibly aggressive, especially when there is no movement or bending between the wrist and the forearm. This palm up, palm down is very important when it comes to handshaking and where appropriate we suggest you always offer a handshake upright and vertical, which should convey equality. DISTANCE FROM OTHERS is crucial if you want to give off the right signals. Stand too close and you'll be marked as "Pushy" or "In your face". Stand or sit too far away and you'll be "Keeping your distance" or "Stand offish". Neither are what we want, so observe if in a group situation how close areid this rule come from? Professor Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D., of the University of California, Los Angles (UCLA), is credited as the originator of the 55%, 38%, 7% Rule. He and his colleagues conducted two studies on communication patterns and published the studies in professional journals in 1967. Mehrabian later discussed the results of the studies in two books in the early 1970s. The results of the studies were widely circulated in the press, in abbreviated form, leading to a misunderstanding of the original research and inaccurate generalizations of the conclusions. Mehrabian and his colleagues were attempting to decipher the relative impact of facial expressions and spoken words. Subjects were asked to listen to a recording of a female saying the single word “maybe” in three tonalities, to convey liking, neutrality and disliking. Next, subjects were shown photos of female faces conveying the same three emotions. Then subjects were asked to guess the emotions portrayed by the recorded voice, the photos and both in combination.

The photos drew more accurate responses than the voice, by a ratio of 3:2. In the second study, subjects listened to nine recorded words, three meant to convey liking (honey, dear and thanks), three to convey neutrality (maybe, really and oh) and three to convey disliking (don’t, brute and terrible). The words were spoken with varying tonalities and subjects were asked to guess the emotions behind the spoken words. The finding was that tone carried more meaning than the individual words themselves. Abra-cadabra! A theory is born! Mehrabian combined the statistical results of both studies and came up with – you guessed it – the 55%, 38%, 7% Rule. Mehrabian published the results of his work in two books, Silent Messages (Wadsworth Publishing, 1971) and Nonverbal Communications (Aldine Atherton, Inc., 1972). In these books Mehrabian makes the point that for inconsistent messages, or incongruent communications, body language and tonality are probably a more accurate indicator of emotions and meaning than the words themselves. Mehrabian has stated (Anchor Point, 1994) that he never intended his results to be applied to normal conversation (and probably not to public speaking either). He only wanted to help his readers resolve incongruent messages regarding liking and disliking. Thus, his research has useful, albeit limited applications, which have been blown out of proportion. Equal emphasis So now you know the 55%, 38%, 7% Fallacy. The spoken word has so many intangible components with the speaker, the listener and the context that, realistically, it would be folly to assign percentages to those components.

There are some things that just can’t be quantified, like values, meanings, emotions, attitudes and beliefs. Yet, these components are what make communications rich, penetrating, moving, appealing and human. We can never live inside another’s mind or duplicate another’s experience. In public speaking, words, tonality and body language are the only means we have to relate to one another our individual understandings, experiences and feelings. Let’s continue to place equal emphasis on all three avenues of communication. all the other people to each other. Also notice if you move closer to someone and they back away, you're probably just a tiny bit too much in their personal space, their comfort zone. "You've overstepped the mark" and should pull back a little. EARS, yes your ears play a vital role in communication with others, even though general terms most people can't move them much, if at all. However, you've got two ears and only one mouth, so try to use them in that order. If you listen twice as much as you talk you come across as a good communicator who knows how to strike up a balanced a conversation without being me, me, me or the wallflower. MOUTH movements can give away all sorts of clues. We purse our lips and sometimes twist them to the side when we're thinking. Another occasion we might use this movement is to hold back an angry comment we don't wish to reveal. Nevertheless, it will probably be spotted by other people and although they may not know the comment, they will get a feeling you were not pleased. 3.Debunking the 55%, 38%, 7% Rule If you have been a student of public speaking for any length of time, you probably have heard of the so-called 55%, 38%, 7% Rule. This rule states that 55% of the meaning of communication is body language, 38% is in tonality, and 7% rests in the words themselves. Most of us have blithely accepted this precept at face value. In fact, I’ve heard several Toastmasters glibly refer to this rule when making a point about the importance of gestures and vocal variety in public speaking.

Have you ever wondered where these percentages came from? Have you ever considered that they may have been misinterpreted and applied erroneously? Would it surprise you to know that the 55%, 38%, 7% Rule is a myth? Words only 7%? No one would argue that non-verbal expression and tonality are inconsequential to effective communication. Yet, logically does it make sense to relegate words to a meager 7% of the message? Examining the origins of that rule, Dr. C.E. “Buzz” Johnson, a Certified Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, wrote in a 1994 issue of Anchor Point magazine: “…If these percentages were really valid it would mean that the learning of foreign languages could be greatly abbreviated. After all, if the words only account for 7% of the meaning of communication, we should all be able to go to any country in the world and simply by listening to the tone and carefully observing body language, be able to accurately interpret 93% of their communications!” How many of us have 93% accuracy in immediately discerning the cause of a baby’s cry, or even in understanding the communication of our pets? When a baby cries we know she is unhappy, but does it mean she is wet, hungry, lonely or sleepy? When a dog barks, we know it is drawing our attention to something, but is it a visitor, an intruder, or simply a strange noise? Without the words, we still miss much of the meaning. As Toastmasters, we learn to work with words, because a few well-chosen words can make the difference between a mediocre speech and a speech that enthralls entertains and captures the heart. The right word can evoke our emotions, touch our values and stir us to action.

Words, chosen conscientiously, A few well-chosen words can make the difference between a mediocre speech and a speech that enthralls can mean the difference between helpful feedback and hurtful criticism. Would words really be so important if they carried only 7% of the message? Imagine if Nathan Hale had said, “Okay, I’m willing to die for my country,” instead of “I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.” Imagine Franklin D. Roosevelt saying “Don’t be afraid,” instead of “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Imagine John F. Kennedy saying “Do good things for your country,” instead of “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country!” The words themselves make the difference in the intensity of the message, even when we no longer hear the tonality or see the body language with which they were spoken. The research So where d